So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He shit in the fireplace
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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