No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
