so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
