Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
