she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
