You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
