Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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