Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
