I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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