It's just like the Real World with babies
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
