Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
