this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
