my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
