i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
