So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize