we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
