I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just cropdusted the office
well most of my day revolves around power hour
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sorry about my life...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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