ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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