Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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