I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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