Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
