Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
