He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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