i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
