I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
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