next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I smell like Dick and happiness
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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