My nipple is on Facebook.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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