Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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