sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
