But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
