My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
