Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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