doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
