hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize