We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
