my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
