I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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