so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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