I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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