yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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