He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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