She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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