Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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