Can Purell be used as lube?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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