ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
