this beer tastes like vomit already
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
