i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
