Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
