Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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