I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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