Whats the glycemic index on semen?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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