the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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