but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
