so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
