the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
