saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize