I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Im part way to drunk.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
