I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
