I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
