So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we're making bets on your personal life
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
