i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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