I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just forgot I was standing up.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
